we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just want to make out with him forever
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
