My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
