Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
