She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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