is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
