party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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