That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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