I wannas sexs uuuuu
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
