Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
