Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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