I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
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