apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I would ride that face into the sunset
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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