i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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