How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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