I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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