I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
