i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
