Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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