My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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