i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
