New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
