Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
