She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
