You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
