I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm really busy with my period
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