Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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