How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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