I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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