She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
