If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
