so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
