Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I touched a dick in church today
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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