Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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