Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
third nipple confirmed
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
