meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
