I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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