No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
