Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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