we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
pray to the hookup gods
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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