I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He better not be in your backpack
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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