Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
