In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I checked into jail on foursquare
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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