Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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