You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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