u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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