Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
