woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
