he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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