My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
