People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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