I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
