I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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