this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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