About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
