Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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