This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
