he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
