either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize