Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
