If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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