party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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