I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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