we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
