apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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