Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
