I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
im holly from the hills drunk
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
