Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
