i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
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