dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
