Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize