Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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