Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
