When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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