her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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