Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
