I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
They have beer where we have blood.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
