You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
