Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize