It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
