it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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