There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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