We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
