Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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