Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
