This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
