I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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