i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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