she smelled like a LAN party
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I am naked and annoyed.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
