if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
