Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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