if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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