She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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