you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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