Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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