I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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